The Oxford Oxymoron Definition
by twentythirty
Summary: The new head of the humanities department makes Sheldon's skin crawl - and not in that unpleasant way the dictionary in front of him is describing. AU. Shenny.
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 **The Oxford Oxymoron Definition**

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 **I**

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 _~ good things come to those who wait, but I ain't in a patient phase_

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It starts like this.

"I hear the new head of the humanities department is hot." At the two pair of eyes that widen and the eyebrows that raise, Howard finally sits down at their usual table, a smug smile on his lips. "Like really hot, enough that Siebert is making a fool of himself in front of her."

"Maybe we should go say hi, just to be polite." Sheldon highly doubts Leonard's motives are innocent – who cares about the humanities department? Certainly not him and he doesn't think anyone else at their table should either.

"After work?" All three of them agree, Sheldon's eyes roaming back and forth between his friends and wondering when they suddenly became so polite that they all have to be there to greet her. He opens his mouth to protest, make a jab at how useless the humanities department is – but Howard makes a comment about the new Batman comic and the conversation shifts so quickly that he cannot speak. The tallest of the four purses his lips and goes back to his sandwich.

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"She's probably around here." It's the third time Howard's said this and to no avail, all they've ran into so far are students and other professors which Sheldon's never bothered to learn their name. He trails after the three, hand clasped tightly on the strap of his messenger bag and feels utterly stupid not having a car license.

It would facilitate his life so much – curse his fear of violent accidental death at the hand of a motor vehicle. He wouldn't have to depend so much on Leonard to chauffer him around and wouldn't feel like an idiot for trailing after him in the humanities building in search of a woman who may have already left the building.

The sound of laughter makes him snap his head upwards and he lets his eyes take in the sight before him. Seven men, all dressed to the nine's in suits and ties, stand in a circle almost as if hiding something. Sheldon recognizes most of them – professors of archeology and geology, a physicist and a chemist and most importantly, his boss, smiling like children at the blond woman in the middle of it all.

"That must be her." The first thing that catches Sheldon's eyes are her heels. They're high, so high he wonders how anyone can walk in them – black and with a strap, they must at least be seven inches. He lets his gaze trail up on long, muscular legs, finally reaching the hem of a tight pencil skirt that covers knees. Again, they go up to reveal a slender figure hidden under a white blouse. Arms crossed over breasts and then to strands of hair that fall free of a loose bun that is skillfully messy.

"Wow." His three counterparts have been reduced to such a simple word and Sheldon rolls his eyes as Raj becomes mute in front of the female. She is certainly stunning even from afar, but Sheldon has seen plenty of beautiful women and has never judged them from their looks – he judges them on their intellect.

"We should go over there, right?" Leonard plays with the ring on his finger, his wedding ring to be more exact – it's a nervous habit, one he doesn't even realize he has. Howard finally clears his throat and marches towards the small group with renewed confidence.

"Mr. Wolowitz." Professor Siebert greets him with false enthusiasm as he takes in the four new members joining the party. Leonard and Raj trail behind him, nervous and awestruck. Sheldon sighs and carefully moves behind them, his hand tightening on his bag once again.

"Professor Siebert. Care to introduce us?" Their boss looks at him with a raised eyebrow and finally nods his head gravely, as if it's a terrible task chore.

"Of course. Dr. Bloom –" Her greens eyes sparkle with boredom, probably from being introduced so many times today. "This is Dr. Koothrappali, Dr. Cooper, Dr. Hofstadter and Mr. Wolowitz. Gentlemen, this is Dr. Penny Bloom." At least, Sheldon concedes, she's bothered with a doctorate – although it's in a field that Sheldon doesn't approve of.

"It's nice to meet you." Her voice is light, her arms dropping to her side and she nods her head. Sheldon sees in his peripheral Leonard fumbling with his ring, Howard rendered speechless and Raj smiling dumbly at the floor. "Are you Dr. Sheldon Cooper?" At Sheldon's blue eyes widening, her tainted pink lips form a bright smile. "I really enjoyed your latest paper on monopoles." A vulgar description of what took Sheldon nearly six months to write, but the sarcastic comment dies on his tongue.

"Thank you." He notices how the group's attention shifts between the two. "And what is your speciality?" He's curious to know how a woman who is the new head of the humanities department can understand something as complex as his research.

"Psychology." He wants to roll his eyes at that – and he does. "I do have minors in physics, biology and chemistry." He struck a nerve, he can hear it in the way her voice has lost its sugar coat. "Life is too short to concentrate on only one discipline." Sheldon disagrees – science takes a lifetime and even then, even as you reach the top of your field, you are still ignorant about the earth and its mysteries.

He's about to retort, but her attention has shifted.

"Well, gentlemen…" She waits for the eyes of everyone, let's her eyes roam before a cool smile spreads on her lip. "It was nice to meet all of you – thank you for your warm welcomes. But it's been a long day and I must get home." Sheldon can hear the disappointing sighs, the echo of her heels on the floor and the way her hips sway as she walks away from them.

Sheldon knows when he is being dismissed – and while Leonard, Raj and Howard can barely form a coherent sentence, his lips turn upside down as he watches her walk away from them.

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His second meeting with Penny is much sooner than he liked it to be. He is on his way to human resources, something about a student complaining about whatever – he didn't pay attention. He's about to open the door when she walks out of the office, almost colliding with him. But she has reflexes and she brushes to the side before there's an impact.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Cooper." Her hair is in a braid today. She's wearing a navy dress, her heels make her almost as tall as him and she still has that smile that has probably made men turn into fools before her.

"Dr. Bloom." He nods his head to her, checks his watch with a quick glance. And goes to open the door. What he doesn't expect in her hand which applies a light pressure on his arm and her green eyes which sparkle, like she has a secret.

"Have a good day." And then her touch is gone and so is her person. Sheldon lets his eyes follow her as she walks away from him, the ghost of her fingers still lingering on his arm. His fists clench and he barely registers that he is going to be late. She walks with ease in her shoes, never turning even if she knows perfectly well that he's looking at her.

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It's one of those days, where Leonard's already tried five times to get him to go home, but his latest equations makes it impossible for him to tear his eyes away from the board. Finally, the bespectacled man shrugs and walks away, hoping that he has his bus pants on. He doesn't.

He's coming out of the building, the cool night air assaulting his senses as he thinks about getting a cab even if it means chit chat with the driver all the way home. From afar, he can see a flash of blond and suddenly she's right in front of him, still with the same cool smile. Her hair is loose today, straight and falling past her shoulders all the way to her lower back.

"Hello, Dr. Cooper. I didn't know you finished this late." His throat tightens and he wants to point out that there is no way she should know his schedule, but his mouth has gone dry and he wonders if he's having a stroke.

"I was just about to get a cab." He finally manages, his face twisting in a frown and suddenly remembering the feeling of her touch. She smiles at him, somehow managing to make it even brighter.

"Would you like a ride? I really don't mind." He can see her keys in her hands, notices how she's staring to effortlessly at him and thinks to himself that a car ride with her is more enviable that a cab. He nods his head.

"Yes, that would adequate." Her eyes widen and her gaze is full of amusement, almost like he's just told her a joke. "Thank you." He manages to get out, not forgetting his manners. His mother would be proud, because Mary Cooper has always been strict about young ladies and their hospitality.

She leads him to a black car, it's shiny and looks new. The ride is mostly silent, except for her asking him his address and him answering her back. When they finally pull over to 2311 Los Robles, Sheldon cannot wait to get out of the car. He's always enjoyed silence, thought it was peaceful. And while Penny drives well enough, he feels an anxiety attack coming on.

"Thank you for the ride." He's about to push open the door when her hand finds his arm, her fingers finding the exact same spot as last time. Sheldon feels every muscle in his body tighten and she clearly notices, her eyes trailing from his arm to his face. She doesn't let go.

"Have a goodnight Sheldon." He doesn't notice right away, her hand pulling away and her cool smile too much to process in a few seconds. He watches her drive away, his fist clenched to his side almost painfully. As he unlocks the door of apartment 4B, Leonard comes out of 4A to check on him.

"How was the bus ride?" Sheldon turns towards his best friend and he's sure that in that moment, he looks terrible. His brows are furrowed and his hands keep twitching.

"I got a ride from Dr. Bloom." Leonard's eyes widen and his mouth does this thing where he looks like a fish outside of the water. Sheldon still has goosebumps running up and down his entire body and he's suddenly very tired and in need of Purell. "Goodnight Leonard – say hi to Stephanie for me." And with that he quickly opens his door and gets inside his apartment, ready to wash away the smell of vanilla and apple that seems to linger in the air.

It's only when he's seated on his couch, one of the few things he made Leonard give to him when he moved in the apartment next door, that he dawns on his.

She called him Sheldon.

He feels lightheaded and opens his laptop and checks if he's suddenly coming up with a rare disease that can kill him.

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His next run in with her is much later, only the following Monday. It's been five days since he's seen her and when he catches sight of her blond hair, which is a particular shade, in the cafeteria he stays frozen in place.

She's chatting with Professor Siebert, about what, he has no clue. But her green eyes catch sight of his and she sends him a smile, one that is obviously just for him. Her arms are crossed over her chest and just like that, her attention is back on his boss, the latter's cheeks tainted pink as he continues talking to her.

Sheldon finally remembers to move and finds his usual table. His three friends' attention on the blond woman not so far away from them. Ever since the car ride with her, Leonard's been teasing him about asking her out. Sheldon scoffs at the idea – it makes his skin crawl.

"I asked Dr. Bloom to join us for supper tonight." Leonard takes a sip of his water and smirks as three pair of eyes turn with amazement at his boldness. "Stephanie thinks it's a nice idea – she really wants to meet Sheldon's girlfriend." Howard makes a noise at the back of his throat, almost as if he's choking and Raj smiles with his best mischievous smile and just like that Sheldon feels the ghost of her touch on his arm and he's suddenly not very hungry.

"How did you manage that?" He doesn't miss the envy in Howard's voice, even if he is happily married. Raj obviously wonders too, even if he's not as verbal. Leonard shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite of his sandwich.

"All I had to do was mention Sheldon." And with that, his three friends take bets as to how long it will take for him to screw it up and she comes to her senses – he'd be offended, but instead let's his eyes find her again. Her back is turned to him and yet he can still feel the warmth of her.

He shakes his head – that statement is improbable.

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 **a/n : Should I really be starting another story? No, probably not. But this idea just came to me and I had to write it. This is a short fic - maybe three or four chapters long. I like the idea of Penny pursuing Sheldon and him not realizing it. Obviously, Penny is smart here and I like her that. Anyways, thanks for reading my madness. Drop a review if you want, to let me know what you think and if I should continue this. Thanks for reading and see you next time!**


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